My Mom

mom2

Last week we broke the engagement news to our little corner of the world. Wedding plans are now under way. I am SO happy and grateful for the love and joy that Chris has brought into my life. Last week was also full of tears. Not the sentimental/happy kind. The heart-wrenching sob sort of tears. The ones that leave your nose raw and stomach twisted. Chris would hold me, kiss me and try to help me, but I didn’t even know what was wrong. Poor Chris. Someone needs to award him some sort of plaque or trophy. Seriously. I eventually got to the bottom of  my sadness. I missed my mom.

I should have known. She’s been gone two and a half years. We all have worked so hard to overcome the grief and trauma of losing her as unexpectedly as we did. I think of her every day. Most days it is happy thoughts, but every once in a blue moon I feel like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest. The loss feels raw and new.

She would have loved Chris. She would have been so happy for Paige and me. She would have loved hearing about my million and one ideas for reception centerpieces and homemade cake toppers. She would have loved planning this day with me. She’s not here. It’s not fair, but it is our reality.

I have a few ideas of ways to pay tribute to my mom during both the ceremony and the reception. I want her presence to be known and felt. It’s important to me. She would want my wedding day to be full of happiness and love. So it shall be.

mom1

 

Sarah

5 comments

  1. Carey Lenn says:

    She is there. She is coursing through you veins, she is drifting through your heart and mind, she is in the wind, in the daylight and the still of the night. Trust me. I’ve learned a few things in my life. On your day, she will be there. Love you Bou Pop’s

  2. Deborah VanSomeren says:

    Oh, dear Sarah, thank you for sharing this with us. It brought tears to my eyes. I know she will be with you on your happy day. There is something about the bond between mother and daughter that never dies. Love you.

  3. Penny says:

    Awwww, Sarah, My dad’s been gone for 5 years and it’s still hard at certain moments. BUT, your mom is always with you in spirit and looking over you 🙂

  4. Jane says:

    No words for this post…only tears. You’re right Sarah, you’re mom would have been so happy for you and Chris. And…she would have loved him.

Leave a Reply

three × 3 =