Last week we broke the engagement news to our little corner of the world. Wedding plans are now under way. I am SO happy and grateful for the love and joy that Chris has brought into my life. Last week was also full of tears. Not the sentimental/happy kind. The heart-wrenching sob sort of tears. The ones that leave your nose raw and stomach twisted. Chris would hold me, kiss me and try to help me, but I didn’t even know what was wrong. Poor Chris. Someone needs to award him some sort of plaque or trophy. Seriously. I eventually got to the bottom of my sadness. I missed my mom.
I should have known. She’s been gone two and a half years. We all have worked so hard to overcome the grief and trauma of losing her as unexpectedly as we did. I think of her every day. Most days it is happy thoughts, but every once in a blue moon I feel like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest. The loss feels raw and new.
She would have loved Chris. She would have been so happy for Paige and me. She would have loved hearing about my million and one ideas for reception centerpieces and homemade cake toppers. She would have loved planning this day with me. She’s not here. It’s not fair, but it is our reality.
I have a few ideas of ways to pay tribute to my mom during both the ceremony and the reception. I want her presence to be known and felt. It’s important to me. She would want my wedding day to be full of happiness and love. So it shall be.